Giving Thanks for My Incredible Journey...

Usually around this time of year, I am completely depressed.  Yet this year, there is cause for positive change.  Right now, I love the skin that I am in.  I am aware of my gifts and talents and nurture them on a regular basis.  I am in a great, loving relationship with the woman that I am today.

I am grateful to be alive in 2012 and knowing that I am closer to achieving all of the dreams placed in my heart from childhood.

For once, I wanted to share the many things that I am thankful for this year.  My journey towards self acceptance and peace began in early 2012.

What I am thankful for:  2012 Edition:

1.  I am thankful for those that love me and continuously show me that they care.  I do not have to wonder about who my friends are because as I have grown older, they have revealed themselves time and again.

2.  I am thankful for Mr. Perfect, my ex-fiance and any of the past love relationships that I have been in.  I have grown so much in the past year and now its clear to me that they each taught me valuable lessons on love, sacrifice and the ability to move on from a failed relationship.  I am a loveable person and know that love will find me again…in its own time.  No pressure and no stress.

3.  I am grateful for my grandparents who believed in me and saw value in me when others did not.  On a fixed income and in their golden years, my guardian angels took in a 15 year old wild child and tamed the beast within me.  I am eternally grateful for the love, support, and guidance they gave me as I grew in their care.  I know that they gave me a priceless gift that I pass on to others:  love.  I will continue to uplift and support others because of my grandparents.

4.  I am thankful to live in New York City:  the city of dreams.  I love being a part of the fabric of this one of a kind place.  I came here to make it BIG and being here, walking these streets, lets me know that I am closer everyday to my dreams coming true.

5.  I am thankful for my unbreakable spirit.  I have been knocked down countless times and like dust…I rise.  I will not stop and I will not quit.  I am going to shine until my heart stops for I know that I inspire others to keep going in the direction of their dreams.

6.  I am thankful that I am a talented teacher.  It gives me joy to help our youth see the greatness within themselves.  I love having the freedom to touch them and deliver my words with a spirit of hope and inspiration.  I do it for the love, passion and drive I have within me to be a supportive role model to those who need it most. 

7.  I am thankful to GOD for giving me another chance at life.  Just when I thought my life was over, HE showed me that it had only just begun.  HE loves me and I know this everyday…

Thank you all for allowing me to share my life with you.  I enjoy all of the comments and love I receive every time I begin blogging.  You have given me a new lease on life and I am eternally grateful for you!!!

Keep moving forward…ALWAYS!!!

Precious

Mission: A Beautiful Life...

Lately, I have been in reflection mode.  Now that I am about to turn 34, there are a few things that I now have a bit of perspective on in my life.

I want to share with you some of my personal truths that have truly set my mind, body and soul free.

1.  Nobody's Perfect nor Should We Expect Them To Be:  I now know that my mother and father were deeply flawed individuals who were not equipped to raise me as a child.  Perhaps they suffered great tragedies and disappointments that stunted their growth.  However, no matter what their issues were at the time, they are not my issues.  Its time to let go of my hurtful past and realize that I am a much better person today because the past no longer binds me.  I am stronger than yesterday and my future is so bright.

2.  Dream BIG:  All my life, I have dreamed of making it BIG.  It wasn't until January 2012 that I made the decision to chase this dream with all my might.  I started a thriving company and within 2 months, we were on television.  I looked up one day and was in a major newspaper.  Then ABC!!!  I am on my way to being exactly where I saw myself at 5 years old.  The point is that it is never too late to chase a dream.  I just had to push myself to make it happen and just like that, the stars aligned and I am on my way!!! 

3.  Walk With Who You Are:  The man who eventually broke my heart used to say this to me from time to time.  It wasn't until recently that I got what he meant.  You see, I spent so much of my life wanting to be someone else.  I didn't even realize how much I compared my life with others, never appreciating my journey.  One day, I was looking in the mirror and saw myself for the first time.  I studied my face with awe.  I loved what I saw.  I am gorgeous as I am.  How did I go years without really seeing myself?  I am convinced that most of us do not know who we are because we are focused on who we want to be.  Walking with who I am means accepting myself as I am in this moment.  Flaws and all are beautiful.  I am unique and when I started to accept myself, others came flocking and joining my parade.  I cannot ask for a better life than the one I am living because its the life that I created.  I love me forever as I am.

4.  Celebrate the Small Victories:  I am now starting to appreciate the small things that make life so beautiful.  I walk in nature with new found appreciation and wonderment.  I love seeing the light in a child's eye as I teach them something new.  I love the smell of fresh cut grass even though I live in a concrete jungle.  My small victories include celebrating my life as it is, enjoying the company of supportive friends and family and loving the real me.

5.  Be Crazy and Unreasonable:  Do the opposite of what you have been told to do.  Think outside of the box.  Grow in an unexpected way.  Life is meant to be lived everyday and its now time to let go of coasting by.  Safe is boring and will eventually kill you.   Don't you want to look back on a long and full life knowing you gave it all you got and still have enough crazy stories to tell the grandkids of your various exploits?  I know that I have quite a few stories under my belt now but know that so many more are coming because I refuse to do what is expected of me!

Moral of the story:  I am reflecting on my life and loving every crazy minute.

Keep moving forward...ALWAYS!!!

Precious

“I Like BIG GIRLS…” and Other Stupid Things People Say and Do…

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           When I became a full figured diva, there were a few harsh truths I learned about the world.  People’s perception of me and my life were magnified because of my new size. 

            First, people would ultimately define me by my weight.  My girth became a topic of conversation whether I was a willing participant or not.  This really bothered me for I knew that I was much more than the number on a scale.

            Second, men would think it was a great pick-up line to say, “I like BIG GIRLS.”  At first, I thought that was odd.  As a woman who didn’t want my weight to be a big deal for others, I could not understand men’s fascination with telling me that.  Especially when I only wanted a man who desired a beautiful woman, with no mention of her size. 

            As my weight swelled, it was almost as if men began to downgrade me.  No, I wasn’t even asked to go on dates or even to hang out all over the city.  In fact, the conversation always seemed to go back to food.  I never mentioned eating but its all they wanted to talk about.  I can’t tell you how many men thought it was cool to say that they would like to come home with me and let me cook for them.  Brother, I don’t even cook for myself.  Are you serious?

            Third, I found out that my size often made other women uncomfortable.  So much so that I constantly felt attacked and minimized because of my weight. 

As a woman, I have dealt with many slights in my life based on my age, race, and class but how vicious other women became as I got bigger was atrocious!!!  I am already loud, proud, and fiercely independent, but other women seemed to go out of their way to cut me down and tell me that I needed to lose weight.  As if!!!

            In the end, my weight journey is all my own.  Since my weight has yo-yoed over the past few years, I have developed a deep compassion for others who are experiencing the same thing.  One thing I know for sure is that we all have our crosses to bear.  Mine is weight.  For others, it’s their sexual identity and orientation.  For others, it may be religion or age.

            I know who I am which means that I can handle these behaviors but I know that others may not be ready for the pressure that comes from gaining weight.  You are truly more than your weight and how you feel about yourself is all that matters…

            Keep moving forward…ALWAYS!!!

            Precious

BIG and BIGGER...How I Am Living Now...

As a woman who used to be no bigger than a size 10 for years, imagine my shock and horror when I slowly became a 16, 18 and ultimately a size 28.  Never once as a young person did I ever see myself being plus size.  My self esteem went down as my weight went up.

It all started in 2004 when I had a nervous breakdown in law school.  I was put on medication and my weight ballooned to 232 pounds.  I was miserable in my own skin.  My clothes didn't fit and I did not feel beautiful, pretty or curvy.  I felt fat.  I know, I said it...the dreaded words, FAT.

I stopped taking the medications so that I could slim down but that took me several years to lose the weight.  By 2007, I was a cool 177 pounds.  I was back to a size 10 and I felt great!!!  Nothing could stop my confidence from shooting through the roof.

However, my weight ballooned again in 2011 when I realized the man that I loved didn't see a future with me.  He disappeared and would come back for sex every now and then.  I tried to stay positive and hoped for the best.  He started criticizing me, my accent, my job, my apartment and my life.  Pathetic is how I felt.  His words cut like a knife and I started reaching for sweets and fried foods all the time.  Before I knew it, I was a BIG Girl again and a size 28!!!  How did this happen again?  How had I let myself go?

When I met this man, I was a size 16.  As my body got bigger, I could see his disgust and that played over and over in my mind.  You would think that that would stop me from eating but it did not.  I knew I couldn't have him, not now or ever.  My depression became overwhelming.  I wanted to die quickly.  I was eating myself into an early grave.  Time was my enemy because my mind stayed focused on him.

Today, things are different.  I lost the weight and am now a size 14.  But it took 2 years of hell for me to see the light.  The enemy was within.  I gave my power to a man who did not deserve it.  Now, I am better for this experience.  This is not to say that my weight is no longer an issue for it is and probably always will be.

What changed was how I saw myself and the situation.  I let his thoughts and opinions of me become how I saw myself.  Once I realized that we were never going to be and never should have been, my heart started to let go.  My sadness wasn't so profound.  I relaxed and started eating better and treating myself right.

Today, being a size 10 is not where I want to be.  I just want to continue to feel good in my own skin.  Ready to join me?  See yourself as you are and not how you wish and hope to be.  To be imperfect and to have flaws is beautifully human.

Keep moving forward...ALWAYS.  GO BIG OR GO HOME!!!

Kool and the Gang...

Right now, I am in love with a woman who has been here for me through thick and thin.  She has inspired me to never give up on any of my dreams and encouraged my growth, whether spiritually or emotionally.  Weight gain, weight loss, weight gain, weight loss means nothing to our relationship.  She is beautiful, talented and a wonderful, trusted friend.  Who is she?  Why me, of course!!!

Years ago, I couldn't stand my own reflection.  I cringed whenever I heard the sound of my own voice.  I placed more value on my clothes, money and physical possessions than my own life.  I battled the three demons of alcohol, sex and drugs. Yet, I am still here...still standing tall at the age of 33.

I meet a number of people today who call me inspirational.  At first, I was flattered by the compliment but thought nothing of it.  A few days ago, I stopped and truly reflected on how often I hear those words and  what they really mean.  I took stock of my life and cried tears of joy.  My goodness, I am a woman who should have been dead years ago by my own hands.

I know what it feels like to have a mother who does not love me.  My father was a crack cocaine addict.  I have been physically, emotionally and sexually abused and scarred by the experiences.  I have also wanted to die and tried to kill myself.  At the end of the day, I am still here.

I am also the first person in my family to go to college.  Then law school.  I have been kicked out of Georgetown University Law Center and later had a nervous breakdown.  Now, I am an attorney, entrepreneur, teacher and motivational speaker.  I speak truth and am authentically Precious at all times.

Who knew that the woman I am today would have come from so low on the totem pole?  Not me.  But by the Grace of GOD, I am have lived to tell the tale.  That is why I can encourage others to see beyond, as Joel Osteen always says, "the natural."  Within each of us is the supernatural.  We can all overcome any and all obstacles.  I wouldn't say that it is easy but challenges are meant to be overcome.

Am I inspirational?  Yes, but not for all these reasons.  I believe my life is inspirational because my heart wouldn't let me give up on life completely.  I love myself for every battle scar I have that reminds me of where I have come from.  I acknowledge every experience I have had from having my heart broken twice, to gaining 120 pounds in 1 year, to being forced to see that the life I wanted was within my grasp.

In the end, it goes back to never look back and never think twice.  You have the power to fall in love with yourself too.  That curvy girl in the mirror needs your love and support today.  Your heart and experiences can impact generations. 

Keep moving forward...ALWAYS.  GO BIG OR GO HOME!!!

Jumping in with Both Feet!!!

Did you know that "everybody dies but not everybody lives?"  As I have grown, I have encountered many women who are barely getting by and do not know why.  Deep down, they ache to break free of mediocrity but can't seem to take the next step and actually live their lives on their terms.

Don't get me wrong.  That woman used to be me.  I sat day after day, reading those celebrity magazines and business books, saying to myself that I wish I had those lives.  I couldn't accept that living the good life, traveling around the world, and having more money was indeed possible in my life.  Awhile ago, I believed that I wasn't that talented, beautiful, or skillful enough to do the impossible.   Hell, no one around me was doing anything but going to work, coming home, sitting in front of the television, paying bills, and maybe going on vacation every few years.  There also wasn't the love of a good man or woman in their lives.

At some point, my life became unbearable.  I couldn't stand another day of just being average.  So
what did I do?  I first started by changing my friends.  I was no longer content with hanging around people on my level and below.  I wanted to surround myself with others who were above me and doing the very things I dreamed about.  It was sad to leave some of my friends behind but our relationships were not growing.  I started going to networking events and putting my talents on display.  I learned how to work a room like a pro and enjoyed meeting new people.  Before I knew it, I was going to new places with new people, and having a blast!!!

Another thing I did was start reading self help books.  Nothing new age but the classics for I felt that these people had nailed how to live the life of my dreams.  I started reading a book every month which led to a book every two weeks to now ready a book a week.  Its so beautiful to see my life change when I actually did the exercises to change my mindset about life.  Life became an amazing journey of self discovery and not one of misery, stress and sacrifice.  My purpose soon became revealed and I loved knowing that every day I was moving closer to the goal.

I began realizing how my negative vocabulary was affecting my life.  I stopped saying what I couldn't do and focused on what I could do.  I began going after what I wanted instead of holding myself back for fear of what others may think.

I stopped being led so much by fear.  Fear of the unknown was killing me.  Fear of making a mistake strangled my desire to be free of mediocrity.  One day, I decided that the time had come to embrace fear and do everything I wanted to do anyway.  Once I did that, life opened up in a new way.  Fear is still a part of my life but it is manageable now.

These are a few ways I have learned to move on in life.  I do not mean to make it sound easy but it is very doable.  It first begins with changing your mindset and emotions about what you are capable of doing in your own world.  Jumping in with both feet means embracing the journey without looking back or thinking twice.  When you are prompted by the Creator to move, face a challenge or move on to the next level, do it, QUICKLY.  Inspiration begets inspiration.

You can do anything you set your mind to do.  Nothing is impossible or out of reach.  Jump in with both feet!!!

GO BIG OR GO HOME!!!

When the Spirit Soars...

My spirit has been flying so high lately.  Why? Because I am teaching a Girls Empowerment course and what my girls have taught me is priceless.  When I started on this journey, I thought I knew all the answers about how to approach life, but as you can see, I am still learning.

Before I teach every class, I pray to my Creator.  I want to say the right words that impact my girls long after I depart this earth.  I have to call them my girls for they are like the children I have never had.  Their beautiful faces and hopeful spirits fill me with a peace I have never before experienced.

As I go through this journey called life, I am amazed at all the opportunities that I have been blessed to have.  For example, I almost turned down the opportunity to teach as I had never done it before and questioned my ability to be an effective teacher.  Now I know that I am more than capable of leading any class.

My girls have taught me a number of things which I will share with you:

1.  Never underestimate children.  They will truly surprise you with how talented they are no matter 
     their race, gender, or class.

2. Don't practice the politics of low expectations.

3.  Accept any and all challenges for they teach you how amazing you really are.

4.  Obstacles are meant to be overcome.  So never give up.

5.  Pick your battles wisely.  There is no need to be hard all the time.

6.  Practice patience for that is truly one of the greatest virtues in life.

7.  Prayer changes circumstances.

8.  Believe in yourself no matter what.

9.  Thrown caution to the wind.  Just do it!

10. Fortune favors the BOLD.  Take risks and don't worry so much about the outcome.  Who you
      become after you take risks, is what is important.

These ten tips are what I practice every day with my girls.  My spirit is truly enriched for these children give me another reason to live.  They hang on every word I say because I am not there for a paycheck.  I am there to make a positive difference in their life.  I have girls that are in foster care, hungry, and deal with sexual and weight issues.  Listening to them has made me put my life in perspective.

I am so happy right now being there for them. I am a listening ear and encourage their growth.  I didn't have a "Ms. Precious" when I was growing up so I want to give them all of me at all times.  Thank you Beyonce for showing me that hard work really does pay off.

Your spirit will soar when you see beyond yourself and help others.  Be the blessing that you need in life.

Love,

Precious

Moving On...

Usually I blog about unlocking your destiny to truly live the life of your dreams.  I feel compelled to help people live the lives they were born to lead.  Too often, I see people act resigned to the fate of just merely existing watching others go after their dreams.  I was like that at one time and today, I feel blessed to be on my path and its opening doors I long thought were closed.

Today, I want to talk about relationships and what I have learned since I started dating 2 years ago.  I used to have a fiancee that I loved dearly.  He was an angel here on earth and I thought he was "The One."  We were together 7 years when I started to realize he was changing.  He started getting secretive, working out more, talking to women I didn't know until the wee hours of the morning.  I knew in my heart my relationship was coming to an end when I realized he was cheating.  He was no longer the man I knew and with a  heavy heart, I ended the relationship in March 2010.  I haven't looked back but the memory is still fresh...

By May 2010, I was ready to date for the first time in my life.  I didn't want to grow old alone.  I was ready to be someone's girl again.  I was ready to fall in love for real.  What I got was a whole lot of drama and destruction.

I met a man who was Mr. Perfect.  I met a man who was Mr. Good Guy.  And I met a man who was certifiably crazy.  They all had their flaws and in the end, they caused me such heartache.  Red flags are real and I didn't realize until it was too late and my heart was broken.

I met Mr. Crazy in May 2010 and our relationship started out fine but he kept pressuring me to be intimate with him. I couldn't understand it for I was not the type to just put out.  Sure, he was good looking but I felt he was off in some way.  We dated for 3 months and when we became intimate, I knew I wasn't ready but I was tired of being harassed about it.  After that point, he was always around me.  Everywhere I turned, he was there.  He wanted to always spend the night with me but never take me out.  Finally, I told him that if we do not go on proper dates, this is over.  He said no problem and when we scheduled our date, he flaked.  My self esteem was shattered because I didn't know why he flaked.  Was I ugly?  Too BIG to be seen out with?  What gives?  I stopped returning his phone calls and that made him go crazy.  He stalked me for 5 months.  He was there when I got home from work and when I left in the morning.  I was scared but thank GOD he moved on.  Lesson learned:  When I knew something was wrong with him, I should have walked.  Also, never be pressured into having sex before you are ready.  I am still bothered by this...

Mr. Good Guy came at the right time.  On our first date, he took me to a poetry slam.  I felt our relationship blossom over candlelit dinners, long walks in the park and enjoying each other's company.  He called when he said he would, texted when it was more convenient and made me feel like a million bucks.  He was working hard on his goals and was cute, well dressed, had a great job and a good head on his shoulders.  Being with him was a breeze and he always kept me focused on my dreams.  I saw a future that was as bright as the present.  After a while, we became intimate.  It was great because I felt we connected on multiple levels.  And then...just like that...he started growing distant.  At first, I was perplexed.  What was REALLY going on?  I tried contacting him and he would respond a week later.  I was upset but had seen the light.  Time to disengage.  When he called, I ignored him.  When he texted, I deleted the texts without looking.  Why bother?  Lesson learned:  There are men who will future fake to get what they want in the present.  Sad but true.  Some men can only fake being the good guy only so long.  You just have to be strong to put an end to foolishness before it gets ugly...

And then that brings me to Mr. Perfect, the man who literally had me at "hello."  I can still see him today, tall, bald, smooth, well dressed, articulate, sexy as a mother.  He made me laugh and stop being so self conscious.  The time we spent together was so magical, I had to pinch myself for my good fortune.  I never had someone like him be interested in me.  I am not an ugly chick but he was an actor and here I was on his arm.  What a feeling!  He called all the time, texted incessantly, and emailed like it was going out of style.  I fell so hard for him that there was no going back.  I was in love and had an extra spring in my step.

It was like he was the sun, moon and clouds.  He made everyday an adventure.  When we became intimate, I was done!!! He was perfect in that he knew my body better than I did.  I was smitten and didn't care what people thought.

And just like that...he disappeared like a thief in the night.  No phone calls, texts or emails.  When we talked, he put me down for being a pathetic attorney who wasn't going anywhere in life.  He ridiculed me for thinking that I would make it BIG.  He laughed when I told him I loved him and he blew me off when I wanted to spend time with him.  Now, I realize that I am not a size 6, former dancer, model or actress but still, I wasn't chop liver either.

He bounced in and out of my life for 2 years until I couldn't take it anymore.  I realized I was never going to be good enough for him.  He was no longer interested and I was an option when no one else was sweating him. Oh, the pain of realizing that I didn't matter or was a priority.  Lesson Learned:  All that glitters ain't gold.  When you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down at you.  Put yourself on a pedestal and only deal with those who CONSISTENTLY make you a priority.  If they have disrespected you, call them on it.  Don't be agreeable for the sake of keeping peace and by all means, be YOU at all times.  No matter what.

I am sharing my life with you because I know that I am not alone and others need to hear the truth about life, love and relationships.  I am single now and happy to be in this space.  These relationships taught me to value myself and my opinions and to be true to myself ALWAYS.  I may be a BIG GIRL but I am deserving of all the best life has to offer.

I see beauty when I look in the mirror.  I am confident when I enter a room and I know all eyes are on me because I command respect.  I never belittle myself and I keep moving on.

Yes, my loves, moving on feels great!!!

BE BIG, BAD, and BOLD Right Now!!!

Ladies, you all know what time it is.  Its time to claim your rightful place in today's world.  That means no more excuses and no more half-stepping.  Not claiming your GOD given right to go after your destiny is no longer an option.

As I write this blog every week, I am amazed by the number of BIG GIRLS who personally write me to thank me for helping them overcome their greatest fear...themselves.  I know what its like to watch others do BIG things from afar and wish that was me.  You know what changed all that?  I made a decision that I was going to follow my heart and go after my dreams.

My age, my race, my gender no longer matter and will never stop me from being a BIG GIRL on a mission.  Its all about me doing what's best for me and that is achieving dreams that I thought long ago died in my heart but it didn't.  It just required me to be fearless.  I meant me stepping up to the plate and believing in myself.

That is all that I had to do.  Just be me and go after all that I ever wanted.  When I turned 33, I started blogging hard, working harder on my business and showing people what's possible in this life.

My advice to all of you..

1.  Stop talking about it, BE about it.  No more talking a good game.  Actually step up to the plate and take the first step towards     living your life on your terms.

2.  Get over yourself.  Life is a magnificent, beautiful journey.  Until you actually live it, you are just wasting time.

3.  Get rid of the haters in your life.  If the people around you aren't grinding and supporting your growth, they are keeping you from your destiny.

4.  Know that no matter how BIG the obstacle, RECOGNIZE that it can be overcome with faith and actually believing in yourself.

5.  GO BIG OR GO HOME.  Just be BOLD and just do it!!!

As I said before, I speak from experience.  I went from being a disgruntled attorney who hated her life to actually LOVING the life I am living.  I have been on television and in the papers because I made a decision that my goal was to get press and push my business to the next level.  Everyday I feel blessed that I stepped off the rat wheel and chased my dreams.  Nothing stops me for I never look back and I don't think twice.  I just keep moving forward.

You can do it too.  Dare to be BIG, BAD and BOLD right now!!!  I am behind you 100%.  Let's do this in 2012!!!

Unlocking Your Destiny...

There was a time in my life where I felt utterly lost.  I just couldn't seem to get myself on the right track and I believed I was a loser.  Most of my friends had great jobs, were getting married in exotic locations, having children, and living lives I desperately envied.  I kept thinking that something was wrong with me and I was a failure.  After all, I went to a great college, graduated from law school and was living in New York City.  What gives?

In my early 30s, I started reading self help books and came away with a new understanding.  I was constantly comparing myself to other people and in doing so, I was causing myself great heartache.  I started to realize that there is only one me and that it was up to me to create the life that I wanted.  I didn't have to envy others and have the same things they had.  GOD had created only one Precious Williams and I was to be unlike any other person in history.

At first, I was hesitant to make any real decisions or changes in my life.  It wasn't that I was comfortable with where I was, it was just that I was frightened with the thought that what if I tried new things and failed.  Then, I considered that I was not getting any younger and that NOW is the only time that mattered.  Not yesterday, not the future, but NOW.  NOW, I can change my life for the better.  NOW, I could be the women I always knew that I could be.  NOW, I was getting my mojo back!!!

Can I tell you how freeing it is to live life on my terms?  I awakened from my slumber and had a vision for my life that I never had before.  I had a boldness and fire within that made me a force to be reckoned with in the world.  I started writing this blog.  I became an an entrepreneur.  There was nothing that was not within my grasp.

Unlocking your destiny begins with your willingness to start anew.  The key is to to dream big and to think on a level that most people cannot even handle.  The comparisons with others or even celebrities has to stop immediately.  You are you and you are wonderfully made as you are.  Just as there is one Oprah, Beyonce, Queen Latifah and Hillary Clinton, there is only one you!!!

The greatest gift I have had on this journey is learning how to love myself, thoroughly and completely.  The more I put myself and my talents in the world, the more love I am getting back in return.  Unlocking my destiny began with a willingness to be a better me.  You can do this too.

Unlock your destiny...your future begins today...

Oh, How the Tables Have Turned!!!

If you have been reading my blog for awhile, then you would know that this year has been quite a journey for me.  After living a mediocre life for the past few years, something had to give.  I had to live the life I dreamed of...a life on my terms.

My vision of success lied in me refusing to be average, random or ordinary.  So January 22, 2012, I made the decision that it was now or never.  My life had to mean something and I had to embrace the woman within.

I ended friendships that were no longer friendly.  I decided that being a lawyer was no longer an option.  I became an entrepreneur.  I started writing this blog as a way for me to share my growth with all of you.

In all my growing, I didn't realize that my greatest battle still lied within.  My ability to survive a broken heart was tested last week.  This relationship tested my very will to live.  I loved this man.  But this same man abused, mistreated and disrespected me.  I wasn't thin enough.  I wasn't smart enough.  I wasn't cool enough...to keep him by my side.  After two years of pathetically throwing myself at him, I finally had to let him go.  It was hard and I thought I had licked it...until he wanted to see me.

My friends and family advised against it.  My mind told me no.  My heart said "please, one last time."  My heart won out.  But I was so scared he would point out the fact that I had gained weight.  I was scared that he would tell me I was no longer attractive.  I was scared that he would tell me once and for all I was never on his level or good enough to be on his arm.

Wouldn't you know it?  The tables hard turned my friends!!!!  When I saw him, he no longer was Mr. Swagger!!!  He was no longer fly!!!  He was thinner and had a look of defeat.  He no longer had any money.  He was not working.  He was rather pitiful.

He spent more time telling me he was proud of me.  Me?  Me?  Me?  Yes, me.  He was proud that I was an entrepreneur.  He was proud that I followed my dreams.  I actually felt him look at me differently.  Gone was the look that "I can do better."  It was replaced by "wow, you are on it, Precious."

The moral of the story is that I had changed.  I wasn't pathetic.  I was a new person.  I wasn't broken-hearted.  I was different.  I had grown into myself.  I loved myself and I would no longer tolerate his bullsh### and lies.  He couldn't hurt me anymore.

His day of reckoning had come.  The very things he said to me years earlier were now being said to him.  He was no longer the greatest thing that happened to me.  He was just another experience in my life.

I now know what it means to survive and thrive.  I learned that my self-love is greater than any love on this earth.  There is nothing wrong with me.  I am beautiful and its about time I knew that.

Do know that one day, the tables will turn.  I promise...

Girls, you know what time it is.  Get right on the inside.  No man is worth your happiness.  No person should be able to make you feel less than.  You are wonderful and wonderfully made.  Love yourself...it is truly the greatest love of all!!!

The Best Light for the Journey...

As you all know, I am on a personal quest this year to go after all my dreams.  I am fearless and determined to be successful as a writer, producer, entrepreneur and on-air talent. 

It's so funny that when I made this decision, all kinds of craziness came my way.  People from my past reappeared.  Situations that I thought I had handled flared up again. Sometimes, my insecurities got the better of me.  I kept asking myself why is all of this happening?  I then realized that as soon as I became clear about what I am doing, these situations were put in my life to see if I have what it takes to stay the course.

First, the man I am madly in love with, who is bad for me, just reappeared in my life with a vengeance.  He didn't apologize for his absence and just acted as if I should be grateful he is back.  On one hand, I am so happy to have him back in my life.  On the other hand, I have played this game before and lost a number of times.  He is my Goliath and at this point, if I am to move forward, he must be slayed.  So I just decided that we will no longer be seeing each other no matter how bad I want to see him.  We will no longer be talking because it makes me an emotional wreck.  I feel good about this decision and hopefully, I can stick to making it happen. 

Secondly, I made the decision this year to no longer perform legal work or hold myself out to be an attorney.  I feel so good about this decision because I no longer feel tied to just being what my degree says that I am.  Wouldn't you know it that a few big cases, worth a lot of money, have come my way?  At first, I was ready to jump right in and put my lawyer cap on but on further reflection, that is not the path I am on anymore.  I am chasing my dreams and being an attorney is not one of them.  Moving on...

Thirdly, I had some friendships that I terminated because of disloyalty, disrespect and abuse.  I made it clear that I would no longer engage in these relationships but some people are persistent in trying to get my attention now that they see that I am making a name for myself.  They can't seem to apologize enough but I am so over it!!!  I don't need validation and affection from those who I was never a priority for when we were friends.  I have truly let these relationships go and plan on keeping it that way.

So what does all this mean?  I figure it means that I am growing as a woman, a strong woman at that.  I hope that my life experiences have illuminated the way for others.
Moving on is hard but so worth it.  I feel free in a way that I have never experienced before.  What used to hold me back is now fuel for my fire.  I tell the world everyday, get ready, 'cause I am coming!!!

Don't let yourself get caught up with your past.  Its a trap that prevents you from living your best life.  You can do it.  Sometimes the best light for the journey is the result of a burning bridge...

A Better Me...

I can't tell you how many years I spent trying to make people like me.  I allowed myself to become extremely agreeable, funny, and nice for fear that the real me would cause them to run away.  I honestly believed that there was something wrong with me.

It's funny, when I turned 33, I decided that it was best to just be me.  I looked in the mirror and made a commitment to be true to myself.  I actually liked what I saw in my reflection.  I decided that I would no longer wear a mask or be the way people expected me to be.  I became comfortable in my own skin.  I learned that there was nothing wrong with being myself and whoever did not like me as I was was not meant to be in my life.

I can't tell you how ultimately freeing it was to just be myself.  To love myself without abandon.  To accept the things that are just "me."  At first, it was strange feeling this way.  Now, it is second nature.

When all else fails, do you.  What does that mean?  It means being true to yourself and accepting yourself as you are and not how you wish to be.  It means being present and not stuck in the past or the future.  Being one with who you are is a gift that most people never truly get.

When All Else Fails, Do You!!!

I can't tell you how many years I spent trying to make people like me.  I allowed myself to become extremely agreeable, funny, and nice for fear that the real me would cause them to run away.  I honestly believed that there was something wrong with me.

It's funny, when I turned 33, I decided that it was best to just be me.  I looked in the mirror and made a commitment to be true to myself.  I actually liked what I saw in my reflection.  I decided that I would no longer wear a mask or be the way people expected me to be.  I became comfortable in my own skin.  I learned that there was nothing wrong with being myself and whoever did not like me as I was was not meant to be in my life.

I can't tell you how ultimately freeing it was to just be myself.  To love myself without abandon.  To accept the things that are just "me."  At first, it was strange feeling this way.  Now, it is second nature.

When all else fails, do you.  What does that mean?  It means being true to yourself and accepting yourself as you are and not how you wish to be.  It means being present and not stuck in the past or the future.  Being one with who you are is a gift that most people never truly get. 

Loving Your Star Player...

 After years of disliking myself, I made a promise to myself as I turned 33 to live my life differently.  I was determined to love the person who was staring back at me in the mirror everyday.  As the days go by, I love me more and more.

Wouldn’t you know that as I put more love into myself, more love came my way.  After years of chasing a man who could have cared less, another man entered my life saying  that he liked me as is.  Did you hear me?  As is!!!  Although I am cautiously optimistic, I feel peaceful knowing no matter what happens, I will be fine.  I am going to keep loving myself regardless.

I have been wanting to write this post for a while because I feel like most people walk around everyday hating themselves.  They pick at every little thing they think is wrong with them and show themselves no love.   As a consequence, they are short tempered with everyone else and are pretty difficult to deal with all the time.

But loving yourself doesn’t have to be hard or fake.  It just is.  It’s about appreciating yourself for who you are, what you bring to the table, and letting your light shine.  It’s about being real with who you are and loving yourself no matter what you do.

When you love yourself, you will no longer stand for people treating you with anything less than respect.  You will not tolerate pettiness, mistreatment or abuse.  When you love yourself, you signal to others how to treat you.

I am a living witness to the power of self-love.  People actually treat me better today than they have at any other period in my life.  Loving myself allows others to love me as I am.  I am still a BIG Girl in the City and I am standing tall and looking good.

I challenge you to fall in love with yourself in 2012.  You too will see that loving yourself has beautiful effects!!!

Live Your Life...On Your Terms....

Are you happy with the life you are living?  If not, you can change it!!!  Really, you can.

I used to be the most unhappy attorney.  I spent years going to school, preparing to be an attorney.  After 7 years, I actually attained that dream but it did not live up to the hype.  I spent time working in firms where it was apparent that as a black woman, I was never going to get ahead.  I was never treated right and I went from job to job hating every experience.

So what did I do?  I just changed my perspective.  Since being a lawyer wasn't working for me, I decided to start my own business.  Was it hard?  Yes, but so rewarding.  I don't wake up upset I have to go to a 9-5 with people I do not like.  I don't have to hate my life and only live for the weekends.  What kind of life is that anyway?  And you know what?  People respect people who live life on their terms.  I had to stop defending my decision to life life outrageously and just live my life.

Slowly but surely, things began to work out.  I realized who my friends and family really were.  I gained strength from realizing my true priorities.  I developed a thick skin.  And I only surrounded myself with positive people.

What about you?  What can you change?  In a bad relationship?  Know that you can do better.  Living in a one-sided fantasy?  Know that it cannot compare to a real, happy relationship.  Not happy with yourself or your surroundings?  Know that you can change that...TODAY.  Friends not supporting you?  Get rid of them and start afresh.

Happiness really is a choice.  You can change any situation by changing your perspective.  You want to make changes in your life?  You can change any and everything in your life.  Let nothing stop you from doing what you need to do.  Live your life...on your terms.

Standing Tall, Looking Good!!!

 
Being a Big Girl in the City is all about having a positive attitude.  We have an approach to life that captivates the world and always keeps them guessing.  A Big Girl never settles for being average, random or ordinary.

I created my business, Curvy Girlz Lingerie, LLC because I was tired of not being able to find pretty lingerie in my size.  I wanted my man to see me in a sexy light and wasn't able to find intimate apparel that expressed my sensuality.  Instead of just talking about it, I decided to do something about it.  That  is what Big Girls do, they make things happen!!!

When it came to my weight, I made no apologies for being a size 22.  I did not ask to be accepted by society.  I just made a way by being myself.  That is what Big Girls do, they know their worth!!!

As a Big Girl, I encourage other Big Girls' to embrace who they are in all that they do. After all, we are the majority, they are not.  That's what Big Girls do, they love themselves completely!!!

We are seductive, sexy, and talented divas.  We make mens' hearts melt with every sway of our hips.  Our very nature is inviting and at times...intoxicating.  We are who we are and that is beautiful.

Never forget who you are.  You are deserving of love, honor and respect.  Hold your head high for you are a Big Girl in the City!!!

Want to be Wildly Successful? Make a Decision!!!

Are you stuck in a rut and can't see your way out?  Are you merely surviving or are you thriving in this game called life?

Trust me, I have been there.  I used to be an attorney who hated what I did for a living.  I wasn't being fulfilled and I knew that I could be doing more with my life.  I longed to live the life I had envisioned as a child but as an adult, I felt like I was slowly sinking in a quicksand of my own making.

I had people tell me I am a dynamic speaker and creative individual but I was too afraid to try and use these skills to make a living.  You see, I suffered from being paralyzed in my own mind.

Then, something happened.  I realized that I was tired of being frustrated with my life.  I was tired of reading stories about successful people and thinking that they must have something special about them that I did not.  Wrong!!!  In an instant, I came to feel like it was my right to be successful but I had to make a decision and stick to it.

Those people you read about are no better than you.  They just stopped making excuses and did what they had to do to make it!!!  Did you just read what I wrote?  They made a decision that everything they did was towards them being successful.

For example, when I stopped making excuses, I started my own lingerie company that was successful from jump.  Curvy Girlz Lingerie is my baby and I put my all into it.  Not just money, but time and energy too.  Then, I started looking for opportunities to get my name out there.  That led me to blogging on 4 different websites.  I entered and won business plan competitions.  I started networking and joining business clubs.  Oh yeah, I cut the haters out of my life!!!

Wouldn't you know it, when I made the decision that I was going to be on television, it came true.  Get ready, on February 16, 2012, I will be on a major nationwide show giving my elevator pitch and discussing my business.

This all happened within the span of 6 months.  I went from wishing and hoping to doing and achieving.  You can do this too.

Here's how:

1.  Make a decision that you will be wildly successful.

2.  Don't make excuses and take responsibility for all your actions, directly or indirectly.

3.  Make sure all of your thoughts are on abundance and success.

4.  Network, network, network with the people you need to surround yourself with so your dreams can come true.

5.  Eliminate the haters, doubters and losers from your life.  They are negative and will never help you move forward.

6.  Speak success everyday till its a part of your nature.

7.  Keep moving forward.

If you keep these principles daily and get clear about what it is you want to do, in no time, you will be there.  Keep moving forward.  Make a decision to be wildly successful today!!!

Just do it...NOW!!!

Why is it so hard to make decisions?  We all know when we need to make changes.  I for one am at that a point when decisions and change are not only necessary but required.

Last week, I spoke about Living Outrageously in 2012.  For some, that may have seemed like a fluff piece but I assure you it was not.  In Living Outrageously, its more than just positive thinking, its about making radical decisions.

So what led me to this?  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was no longer comfortable with making excuses for why I was always complaining.

So here goes my 5 necessary changes for 2012:

1.  Give up the ghost and let the man go.  He wasn't good for me and I knew it but I kept going back hoping he would treat me with the respect I deserved.  I should have been upfront in telling him what I was and was not going to tolerate in our relationship and if he didn't want to act accordingly, BOUNCE!!!  Never look back and never think twice.

2.  It's time to look at friends and family in a new light.  If they are supportive, loving and kind, I will keep them close and lean on them in good and bad times.  If they are using, abusing and mistreating me, I am letting them go and keep moving forward.

3.  I will never accept a dead-end job no matter how much money it pays.  I know that we are in a recession and things are tight but I cannot work at a job that leads me to a place of losing my self-respect.  That means no document review or the like.

4.  Ask for what I want and have the courage to accept the answer that comes my way.  Its time to be a BIG GIRL and ask for any and all that I want without fear.

5.  I am living life on my terms this year and that means accepting the consequences that come with that.  The fact that people don't understand my decisions is of no consequence to me.  A lot of the greats were misunderstood until they made it BIG.  That will be the same with me.

We all know that change is hard but at times, necessary.  I say make a list of the things that you know DEFINITELY need to change and just do it.  Know that change will not always feel good or make you happy in the short run but if you want lasting success, you have to be willing to do what needs to be done.  Keep going and like Nike says, "just do it!!!"  I say NOW is the perfect time!!!

What are your changes you want to make?  Go BIG or Go HOME!!!

Living Outrageously in 2012!!!

Last year, I found myself in transition in all areas of my life.  I had a dead-end job that paid well.  I had friends who did not support me when I needed them the most.  I suffered a broken heart that impacted every decision I made with respect to relationships.  I accidentally burned my hand severely after being stood up on a date on my birthday.

Constantly, I felt like things were out of control.  No matter how hard I worked to improve each area of my life, I felt like I came up short.  There were days I cried myself to sleep at night, afraid of how bad the next day would be.

I prayed continuously and felt that my prayers went unanswered.  What's a BIG GIRL to do in times of transition?

What I started to do was reeavaluate my life and make some changes.  I thought about the dreams I had as a child and wanted to pursue them again.  I confronted friends who deserted me and abandoned me.  I got fired from my job which was one of the best things that happened to me.

So what did I do next?  I met a former law school classmate who encouraged me to create a new television show and produce it.  She reignited a fire in me to see my life on television.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I created a show and within two months, I pitched it to MTV and BET.  I then spent months retooling it and then went to the Atlanta Pitch Summit, with no money in my bank account, but a dream to make my television show a reality.  I was guided by faith and wouldn't you know it...I met legendary contact who is willing to help me get it on air this year...2012.

I started a lingerie business for full-figured divas.  At Curvy Girlz Lingerie, LLC, we create, design and sell lingerie that celebrates the beauty of a curvy woman.  A month into starting the business, we took first place in the 3rd Annual Harlem Business Alliance Business Plan Competition.  Not to mention, we have been written about in 2 publications and interviewed online by a fashion blogger.

I decided to let go of the men that blew hot and cold, disappeared or treated me badly...I let them go for good.  I was no longer interested in dealing with dubious men that hurt me, abandoned me or made me feel like an option and never first place.

I also decided that it was time to heal my broken heart, so no dating, hooking up or friends with benefits.  That's not how I am rolling in 2012.

What does it mean to live outrageously?  It means following those dreams that you long put to the wayside.  It means attacking life and improving all areas of your life.  It means being courageous in confronting everyone in your life who is not supporting you and then having the courage to move on.  It means knowing that there will be challenges but that you will overcome and all difficult circumstances.  It also means not answering to anyone for the decisions that you make for your OWN life.  It means letting go of convention, the 9-5 lifestyle, and for less than supportive relationships.

You have the ability to change your life, one decision at a time.  2012 is a new year to change your outlook which will change your life.

Have the courage and determination to live outrageously in 2012!!!

Time To See Yourself in Brand New Light...

 
Hey Big Girl!!!  It's 2012, all eyes are on you now!!!

I know a lot of people make resolutions but I am not one of them.  My goal, this year, is to make sure I treat myself with the utmost respect.

What does that mean?

That means nor berating myself if I don't lose weight.  If I gain weight, its not the end of the world for I am not defined by weight alone.

I will love every part of myself for I am unique.  It's my uniqueness that captivates people and draws them to me.  People love me for who I am  and how I make them feel with me.  So in the end, loving myself helps me and others too.

In my relationships, I will reevaluate every one to see if they are worthy of my time and attention.  As far as men, if there are red flags, its time to disengage.  If I am being treated as an option, being mistreated and abused, I will vote with my feet and leave.  If I have friendships that are not supportive, I will take them off life support and move on.  You are worthy of people who treat you with honor, respect and fidelity.  Never look back and never think twice.

As far as my career, its time to take things to the next level.  No more settling for mediocre and just enough.  I want to make my mark this year.  That means getting my televisions shows on air, writing for a sitcom and getting back into motivational speaking.  I am talented at each of these and will not rest until they are all achieved.

In fact, everyday, I am going to get out of my comfort zone and do something a little bit outrageous for that is the best way to live life...

BIG Girls, it time to see yourself in a brand new light.  Its time to go after those dreams you though would never happen in this lifetime.  You are closer than you will ever know.  Its time to go after the things you are passionate about.  Its time to get rich or die trying!!!  Treat yourself right, accept nothing less than the respect, love, admiration and support that you deserve.  This is your time to shine!!!  Claim it in 2012!!!

Go you!!!