Usually I blog about unlocking your destiny to truly live the life of your dreams. I feel compelled to help people live the lives they were born to lead. Too often, I see people act resigned to the fate of just merely existing watching others go after their dreams. I was like that at one time and today, I feel blessed to be on my path and its opening doors I long thought were closed.
Today, I want to talk about relationships and what I have learned since I started dating 2 years ago. I used to have a fiancee that I loved dearly. He was an angel here on earth and I thought he was "The One." We were together 7 years when I started to realize he was changing. He started getting secretive, working out more, talking to women I didn't know until the wee hours of the morning. I knew in my heart my relationship was coming to an end when I realized he was cheating. He was no longer the man I knew and with a heavy heart, I ended the relationship in March 2010. I haven't looked back but the memory is still fresh...
By May 2010, I was ready to date for the first time in my life. I didn't want to grow old alone. I was ready to be someone's girl again. I was ready to fall in love for real. What I got was a whole lot of drama and destruction.
I met a man who was Mr. Perfect. I met a man who was Mr. Good Guy. And I met a man who was certifiably crazy. They all had their flaws and in the end, they caused me such heartache. Red flags are real and I didn't realize until it was too late and my heart was broken.
I met Mr. Crazy in May 2010 and our relationship started out fine but he kept pressuring me to be intimate with him. I couldn't understand it for I was not the type to just put out. Sure, he was good looking but I felt he was off in some way. We dated for 3 months and when we became intimate, I knew I wasn't ready but I was tired of being harassed about it. After that point, he was always around me. Everywhere I turned, he was there. He wanted to always spend the night with me but never take me out. Finally, I told him that if we do not go on proper dates, this is over. He said no problem and when we scheduled our date, he flaked. My self esteem was shattered because I didn't know why he flaked. Was I ugly? Too BIG to be seen out with? What gives? I stopped returning his phone calls and that made him go crazy. He stalked me for 5 months. He was there when I got home from work and when I left in the morning. I was scared but thank GOD he moved on. Lesson learned: When I knew something was wrong with him, I should have walked. Also, never be pressured into having sex before you are ready. I am still bothered by this...
Mr. Good Guy came at the right time. On our first date, he took me to a poetry slam. I felt our relationship blossom over candlelit dinners, long walks in the park and enjoying each other's company. He called when he said he would, texted when it was more convenient and made me feel like a million bucks. He was working hard on his goals and was cute, well dressed, had a great job and a good head on his shoulders. Being with him was a breeze and he always kept me focused on my dreams. I saw a future that was as bright as the present. After a while, we became intimate. It was great because I felt we connected on multiple levels. And then...just like that...he started growing distant. At first, I was perplexed. What was REALLY going on? I tried contacting him and he would respond a week later. I was upset but had seen the light. Time to disengage. When he called, I ignored him. When he texted, I deleted the texts without looking. Why bother? Lesson learned: There are men who will future fake to get what they want in the present. Sad but true. Some men can only fake being the good guy only so long. You just have to be strong to put an end to foolishness before it gets ugly...
And then that brings me to Mr. Perfect, the man who literally had me at "hello." I can still see him today, tall, bald, smooth, well dressed, articulate, sexy as a mother. He made me laugh and stop being so self conscious. The time we spent together was so magical, I had to pinch myself for my good fortune. I never had someone like him be interested in me. I am not an ugly chick but he was an actor and here I was on his arm. What a feeling! He called all the time, texted incessantly, and emailed like it was going out of style. I fell so hard for him that there was no going back. I was in love and had an extra spring in my step.
It was like he was the sun, moon and clouds. He made everyday an adventure. When we became intimate, I was done!!! He was perfect in that he knew my body better than I did. I was smitten and didn't care what people thought.
And just like that...he disappeared like a thief in the night. No phone calls, texts or emails. When we talked, he put me down for being a pathetic attorney who wasn't going anywhere in life. He ridiculed me for thinking that I would make it BIG. He laughed when I told him I loved him and he blew me off when I wanted to spend time with him. Now, I realize that I am not a size 6, former dancer, model or actress but still, I wasn't chop liver either.
He bounced in and out of my life for 2 years until I couldn't take it anymore. I realized I was never going to be good enough for him. He was no longer interested and I was an option when no one else was sweating him. Oh, the pain of realizing that I didn't matter or was a priority. Lesson Learned: All that glitters ain't gold. When you put someone on a pedestal, they can only look down at you. Put yourself on a pedestal and only deal with those who CONSISTENTLY make you a priority. If they have disrespected you, call them on it. Don't be agreeable for the sake of keeping peace and by all means, be YOU at all times. No matter what.
I am sharing my life with you because I know that I am not alone and others need to hear the truth about life, love and relationships. I am single now and happy to be in this space. These relationships taught me to value myself and my opinions and to be true to myself ALWAYS. I may be a BIG GIRL but I am deserving of all the best life has to offer.
I see beauty when I look in the mirror. I am confident when I enter a room and I know all eyes are on me because I command respect. I never belittle myself and I keep moving on.
Yes, my loves, moving on feels great!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment