When All Else Fails, Do You!!!

I can't tell you how many years I spent trying to make people like me.  I allowed myself to become extremely agreeable, funny, and nice for fear that the real me would cause them to run away.  I honestly believed that there was something wrong with me.

It's funny, when I turned 33, I decided that it was best to just be me.  I looked in the mirror and made a commitment to be true to myself.  I actually liked what I saw in my reflection.  I decided that I would no longer wear a mask or be the way people expected me to be.  I became comfortable in my own skin.  I learned that there was nothing wrong with being myself and whoever did not like me as I was was not meant to be in my life.

I can't tell you how ultimately freeing it was to just be myself.  To love myself without abandon.  To accept the things that are just "me."  At first, it was strange feeling this way.  Now, it is second nature.

When all else fails, do you.  What does that mean?  It means being true to yourself and accepting yourself as you are and not how you wish to be.  It means being present and not stuck in the past or the future.  Being one with who you are is a gift that most people never truly get. 

Loving Your Star Player...

 After years of disliking myself, I made a promise to myself as I turned 33 to live my life differently.  I was determined to love the person who was staring back at me in the mirror everyday.  As the days go by, I love me more and more.

Wouldn’t you know that as I put more love into myself, more love came my way.  After years of chasing a man who could have cared less, another man entered my life saying  that he liked me as is.  Did you hear me?  As is!!!  Although I am cautiously optimistic, I feel peaceful knowing no matter what happens, I will be fine.  I am going to keep loving myself regardless.

I have been wanting to write this post for a while because I feel like most people walk around everyday hating themselves.  They pick at every little thing they think is wrong with them and show themselves no love.   As a consequence, they are short tempered with everyone else and are pretty difficult to deal with all the time.

But loving yourself doesn’t have to be hard or fake.  It just is.  It’s about appreciating yourself for who you are, what you bring to the table, and letting your light shine.  It’s about being real with who you are and loving yourself no matter what you do.

When you love yourself, you will no longer stand for people treating you with anything less than respect.  You will not tolerate pettiness, mistreatment or abuse.  When you love yourself, you signal to others how to treat you.

I am a living witness to the power of self-love.  People actually treat me better today than they have at any other period in my life.  Loving myself allows others to love me as I am.  I am still a BIG Girl in the City and I am standing tall and looking good.

I challenge you to fall in love with yourself in 2012.  You too will see that loving yourself has beautiful effects!!!

Live Your Life...On Your Terms....

Are you happy with the life you are living?  If not, you can change it!!!  Really, you can.

I used to be the most unhappy attorney.  I spent years going to school, preparing to be an attorney.  After 7 years, I actually attained that dream but it did not live up to the hype.  I spent time working in firms where it was apparent that as a black woman, I was never going to get ahead.  I was never treated right and I went from job to job hating every experience.

So what did I do?  I just changed my perspective.  Since being a lawyer wasn't working for me, I decided to start my own business.  Was it hard?  Yes, but so rewarding.  I don't wake up upset I have to go to a 9-5 with people I do not like.  I don't have to hate my life and only live for the weekends.  What kind of life is that anyway?  And you know what?  People respect people who live life on their terms.  I had to stop defending my decision to life life outrageously and just live my life.

Slowly but surely, things began to work out.  I realized who my friends and family really were.  I gained strength from realizing my true priorities.  I developed a thick skin.  And I only surrounded myself with positive people.

What about you?  What can you change?  In a bad relationship?  Know that you can do better.  Living in a one-sided fantasy?  Know that it cannot compare to a real, happy relationship.  Not happy with yourself or your surroundings?  Know that you can change that...TODAY.  Friends not supporting you?  Get rid of them and start afresh.

Happiness really is a choice.  You can change any situation by changing your perspective.  You want to make changes in your life?  You can change any and everything in your life.  Let nothing stop you from doing what you need to do.  Live your life...on your terms.

Standing Tall, Looking Good!!!

 
Being a Big Girl in the City is all about having a positive attitude.  We have an approach to life that captivates the world and always keeps them guessing.  A Big Girl never settles for being average, random or ordinary.

I created my business, Curvy Girlz Lingerie, LLC because I was tired of not being able to find pretty lingerie in my size.  I wanted my man to see me in a sexy light and wasn't able to find intimate apparel that expressed my sensuality.  Instead of just talking about it, I decided to do something about it.  That  is what Big Girls do, they make things happen!!!

When it came to my weight, I made no apologies for being a size 22.  I did not ask to be accepted by society.  I just made a way by being myself.  That is what Big Girls do, they know their worth!!!

As a Big Girl, I encourage other Big Girls' to embrace who they are in all that they do. After all, we are the majority, they are not.  That's what Big Girls do, they love themselves completely!!!

We are seductive, sexy, and talented divas.  We make mens' hearts melt with every sway of our hips.  Our very nature is inviting and at times...intoxicating.  We are who we are and that is beautiful.

Never forget who you are.  You are deserving of love, honor and respect.  Hold your head high for you are a Big Girl in the City!!!

Want to be Wildly Successful? Make a Decision!!!

Are you stuck in a rut and can't see your way out?  Are you merely surviving or are you thriving in this game called life?

Trust me, I have been there.  I used to be an attorney who hated what I did for a living.  I wasn't being fulfilled and I knew that I could be doing more with my life.  I longed to live the life I had envisioned as a child but as an adult, I felt like I was slowly sinking in a quicksand of my own making.

I had people tell me I am a dynamic speaker and creative individual but I was too afraid to try and use these skills to make a living.  You see, I suffered from being paralyzed in my own mind.

Then, something happened.  I realized that I was tired of being frustrated with my life.  I was tired of reading stories about successful people and thinking that they must have something special about them that I did not.  Wrong!!!  In an instant, I came to feel like it was my right to be successful but I had to make a decision and stick to it.

Those people you read about are no better than you.  They just stopped making excuses and did what they had to do to make it!!!  Did you just read what I wrote?  They made a decision that everything they did was towards them being successful.

For example, when I stopped making excuses, I started my own lingerie company that was successful from jump.  Curvy Girlz Lingerie is my baby and I put my all into it.  Not just money, but time and energy too.  Then, I started looking for opportunities to get my name out there.  That led me to blogging on 4 different websites.  I entered and won business plan competitions.  I started networking and joining business clubs.  Oh yeah, I cut the haters out of my life!!!

Wouldn't you know it, when I made the decision that I was going to be on television, it came true.  Get ready, on February 16, 2012, I will be on a major nationwide show giving my elevator pitch and discussing my business.

This all happened within the span of 6 months.  I went from wishing and hoping to doing and achieving.  You can do this too.

Here's how:

1.  Make a decision that you will be wildly successful.

2.  Don't make excuses and take responsibility for all your actions, directly or indirectly.

3.  Make sure all of your thoughts are on abundance and success.

4.  Network, network, network with the people you need to surround yourself with so your dreams can come true.

5.  Eliminate the haters, doubters and losers from your life.  They are negative and will never help you move forward.

6.  Speak success everyday till its a part of your nature.

7.  Keep moving forward.

If you keep these principles daily and get clear about what it is you want to do, in no time, you will be there.  Keep moving forward.  Make a decision to be wildly successful today!!!

Just do it...NOW!!!

Why is it so hard to make decisions?  We all know when we need to make changes.  I for one am at that a point when decisions and change are not only necessary but required.

Last week, I spoke about Living Outrageously in 2012.  For some, that may have seemed like a fluff piece but I assure you it was not.  In Living Outrageously, its more than just positive thinking, its about making radical decisions.

So what led me to this?  I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I was no longer comfortable with making excuses for why I was always complaining.

So here goes my 5 necessary changes for 2012:

1.  Give up the ghost and let the man go.  He wasn't good for me and I knew it but I kept going back hoping he would treat me with the respect I deserved.  I should have been upfront in telling him what I was and was not going to tolerate in our relationship and if he didn't want to act accordingly, BOUNCE!!!  Never look back and never think twice.

2.  It's time to look at friends and family in a new light.  If they are supportive, loving and kind, I will keep them close and lean on them in good and bad times.  If they are using, abusing and mistreating me, I am letting them go and keep moving forward.

3.  I will never accept a dead-end job no matter how much money it pays.  I know that we are in a recession and things are tight but I cannot work at a job that leads me to a place of losing my self-respect.  That means no document review or the like.

4.  Ask for what I want and have the courage to accept the answer that comes my way.  Its time to be a BIG GIRL and ask for any and all that I want without fear.

5.  I am living life on my terms this year and that means accepting the consequences that come with that.  The fact that people don't understand my decisions is of no consequence to me.  A lot of the greats were misunderstood until they made it BIG.  That will be the same with me.

We all know that change is hard but at times, necessary.  I say make a list of the things that you know DEFINITELY need to change and just do it.  Know that change will not always feel good or make you happy in the short run but if you want lasting success, you have to be willing to do what needs to be done.  Keep going and like Nike says, "just do it!!!"  I say NOW is the perfect time!!!

What are your changes you want to make?  Go BIG or Go HOME!!!

Living Outrageously in 2012!!!

Last year, I found myself in transition in all areas of my life.  I had a dead-end job that paid well.  I had friends who did not support me when I needed them the most.  I suffered a broken heart that impacted every decision I made with respect to relationships.  I accidentally burned my hand severely after being stood up on a date on my birthday.

Constantly, I felt like things were out of control.  No matter how hard I worked to improve each area of my life, I felt like I came up short.  There were days I cried myself to sleep at night, afraid of how bad the next day would be.

I prayed continuously and felt that my prayers went unanswered.  What's a BIG GIRL to do in times of transition?

What I started to do was reeavaluate my life and make some changes.  I thought about the dreams I had as a child and wanted to pursue them again.  I confronted friends who deserted me and abandoned me.  I got fired from my job which was one of the best things that happened to me.

So what did I do next?  I met a former law school classmate who encouraged me to create a new television show and produce it.  She reignited a fire in me to see my life on television.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  I created a show and within two months, I pitched it to MTV and BET.  I then spent months retooling it and then went to the Atlanta Pitch Summit, with no money in my bank account, but a dream to make my television show a reality.  I was guided by faith and wouldn't you know it...I met legendary contact who is willing to help me get it on air this year...2012.

I started a lingerie business for full-figured divas.  At Curvy Girlz Lingerie, LLC, we create, design and sell lingerie that celebrates the beauty of a curvy woman.  A month into starting the business, we took first place in the 3rd Annual Harlem Business Alliance Business Plan Competition.  Not to mention, we have been written about in 2 publications and interviewed online by a fashion blogger.

I decided to let go of the men that blew hot and cold, disappeared or treated me badly...I let them go for good.  I was no longer interested in dealing with dubious men that hurt me, abandoned me or made me feel like an option and never first place.

I also decided that it was time to heal my broken heart, so no dating, hooking up or friends with benefits.  That's not how I am rolling in 2012.

What does it mean to live outrageously?  It means following those dreams that you long put to the wayside.  It means attacking life and improving all areas of your life.  It means being courageous in confronting everyone in your life who is not supporting you and then having the courage to move on.  It means knowing that there will be challenges but that you will overcome and all difficult circumstances.  It also means not answering to anyone for the decisions that you make for your OWN life.  It means letting go of convention, the 9-5 lifestyle, and for less than supportive relationships.

You have the ability to change your life, one decision at a time.  2012 is a new year to change your outlook which will change your life.

Have the courage and determination to live outrageously in 2012!!!