Giving Thanks for My Incredible Journey...

Usually around this time of year, I am completely depressed.  Yet this year, there is cause for positive change.  Right now, I love the skin that I am in.  I am aware of my gifts and talents and nurture them on a regular basis.  I am in a great, loving relationship with the woman that I am today.

I am grateful to be alive in 2012 and knowing that I am closer to achieving all of the dreams placed in my heart from childhood.

For once, I wanted to share the many things that I am thankful for this year.  My journey towards self acceptance and peace began in early 2012.

What I am thankful for:  2012 Edition:

1.  I am thankful for those that love me and continuously show me that they care.  I do not have to wonder about who my friends are because as I have grown older, they have revealed themselves time and again.

2.  I am thankful for Mr. Perfect, my ex-fiance and any of the past love relationships that I have been in.  I have grown so much in the past year and now its clear to me that they each taught me valuable lessons on love, sacrifice and the ability to move on from a failed relationship.  I am a loveable person and know that love will find me again…in its own time.  No pressure and no stress.

3.  I am grateful for my grandparents who believed in me and saw value in me when others did not.  On a fixed income and in their golden years, my guardian angels took in a 15 year old wild child and tamed the beast within me.  I am eternally grateful for the love, support, and guidance they gave me as I grew in their care.  I know that they gave me a priceless gift that I pass on to others:  love.  I will continue to uplift and support others because of my grandparents.

4.  I am thankful to live in New York City:  the city of dreams.  I love being a part of the fabric of this one of a kind place.  I came here to make it BIG and being here, walking these streets, lets me know that I am closer everyday to my dreams coming true.

5.  I am thankful for my unbreakable spirit.  I have been knocked down countless times and like dust…I rise.  I will not stop and I will not quit.  I am going to shine until my heart stops for I know that I inspire others to keep going in the direction of their dreams.

6.  I am thankful that I am a talented teacher.  It gives me joy to help our youth see the greatness within themselves.  I love having the freedom to touch them and deliver my words with a spirit of hope and inspiration.  I do it for the love, passion and drive I have within me to be a supportive role model to those who need it most. 

7.  I am thankful to GOD for giving me another chance at life.  Just when I thought my life was over, HE showed me that it had only just begun.  HE loves me and I know this everyday…

Thank you all for allowing me to share my life with you.  I enjoy all of the comments and love I receive every time I begin blogging.  You have given me a new lease on life and I am eternally grateful for you!!!

Keep moving forward…ALWAYS!!!

Precious

Mission: A Beautiful Life...

Lately, I have been in reflection mode.  Now that I am about to turn 34, there are a few things that I now have a bit of perspective on in my life.

I want to share with you some of my personal truths that have truly set my mind, body and soul free.

1.  Nobody's Perfect nor Should We Expect Them To Be:  I now know that my mother and father were deeply flawed individuals who were not equipped to raise me as a child.  Perhaps they suffered great tragedies and disappointments that stunted their growth.  However, no matter what their issues were at the time, they are not my issues.  Its time to let go of my hurtful past and realize that I am a much better person today because the past no longer binds me.  I am stronger than yesterday and my future is so bright.

2.  Dream BIG:  All my life, I have dreamed of making it BIG.  It wasn't until January 2012 that I made the decision to chase this dream with all my might.  I started a thriving company and within 2 months, we were on television.  I looked up one day and was in a major newspaper.  Then ABC!!!  I am on my way to being exactly where I saw myself at 5 years old.  The point is that it is never too late to chase a dream.  I just had to push myself to make it happen and just like that, the stars aligned and I am on my way!!! 

3.  Walk With Who You Are:  The man who eventually broke my heart used to say this to me from time to time.  It wasn't until recently that I got what he meant.  You see, I spent so much of my life wanting to be someone else.  I didn't even realize how much I compared my life with others, never appreciating my journey.  One day, I was looking in the mirror and saw myself for the first time.  I studied my face with awe.  I loved what I saw.  I am gorgeous as I am.  How did I go years without really seeing myself?  I am convinced that most of us do not know who we are because we are focused on who we want to be.  Walking with who I am means accepting myself as I am in this moment.  Flaws and all are beautiful.  I am unique and when I started to accept myself, others came flocking and joining my parade.  I cannot ask for a better life than the one I am living because its the life that I created.  I love me forever as I am.

4.  Celebrate the Small Victories:  I am now starting to appreciate the small things that make life so beautiful.  I walk in nature with new found appreciation and wonderment.  I love seeing the light in a child's eye as I teach them something new.  I love the smell of fresh cut grass even though I live in a concrete jungle.  My small victories include celebrating my life as it is, enjoying the company of supportive friends and family and loving the real me.

5.  Be Crazy and Unreasonable:  Do the opposite of what you have been told to do.  Think outside of the box.  Grow in an unexpected way.  Life is meant to be lived everyday and its now time to let go of coasting by.  Safe is boring and will eventually kill you.   Don't you want to look back on a long and full life knowing you gave it all you got and still have enough crazy stories to tell the grandkids of your various exploits?  I know that I have quite a few stories under my belt now but know that so many more are coming because I refuse to do what is expected of me!

Moral of the story:  I am reflecting on my life and loving every crazy minute.

Keep moving forward...ALWAYS!!!

Precious

“I Like BIG GIRLS…” and Other Stupid Things People Say and Do…

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           When I became a full figured diva, there were a few harsh truths I learned about the world.  People’s perception of me and my life were magnified because of my new size. 

            First, people would ultimately define me by my weight.  My girth became a topic of conversation whether I was a willing participant or not.  This really bothered me for I knew that I was much more than the number on a scale.

            Second, men would think it was a great pick-up line to say, “I like BIG GIRLS.”  At first, I thought that was odd.  As a woman who didn’t want my weight to be a big deal for others, I could not understand men’s fascination with telling me that.  Especially when I only wanted a man who desired a beautiful woman, with no mention of her size. 

            As my weight swelled, it was almost as if men began to downgrade me.  No, I wasn’t even asked to go on dates or even to hang out all over the city.  In fact, the conversation always seemed to go back to food.  I never mentioned eating but its all they wanted to talk about.  I can’t tell you how many men thought it was cool to say that they would like to come home with me and let me cook for them.  Brother, I don’t even cook for myself.  Are you serious?

            Third, I found out that my size often made other women uncomfortable.  So much so that I constantly felt attacked and minimized because of my weight. 

As a woman, I have dealt with many slights in my life based on my age, race, and class but how vicious other women became as I got bigger was atrocious!!!  I am already loud, proud, and fiercely independent, but other women seemed to go out of their way to cut me down and tell me that I needed to lose weight.  As if!!!

            In the end, my weight journey is all my own.  Since my weight has yo-yoed over the past few years, I have developed a deep compassion for others who are experiencing the same thing.  One thing I know for sure is that we all have our crosses to bear.  Mine is weight.  For others, it’s their sexual identity and orientation.  For others, it may be religion or age.

            I know who I am which means that I can handle these behaviors but I know that others may not be ready for the pressure that comes from gaining weight.  You are truly more than your weight and how you feel about yourself is all that matters…

            Keep moving forward…ALWAYS!!!

            Precious